It’s pride month and while many are celebrated I feel discouraged. Throughout my life I have always been attracted to men & women. I remember being in high school, taking a shower, and thinking, “what is wrong with being attracted to girls too? Is that weird? Am I weird? Does everyone find themselves attracted to the same sex but just don’t talk about it?” Fast forward to college I found myself in a relationship with a woman, but no one knew about it. We worked at the same non profit together. It was amazing. She was everything I ever wanted. Patient, encouraging, an incredible listener, super chill, and loved to travel and adventure. But, when summer ended so did our relationship. Because of my faith & society I couldn’t see how my convictions with what I believed could allow me to continue to pursue the relationship. Then another summer came. Our relationship started again, but this time I had to make up from the hurt I gave her from the last. We were together for a long time after that, but it was hard. I never came out, but our very small circle knew. In the end, I chose my faith over our relationship. While she respected me and my decision, I know I broke her heart. I suppressed this for a long time, but now with my partner I feel myself mourning her. Maybe it’s a safe place to mourn. Maybe it’s the fact that we will never be together again. Maybe it’s just the desire to just be out and be able to tell my story. I am thankful for my faith, but it’s a wrestling point with my sexuality. I don’t understand it all, but I know that God has walked with me through it all. Loved me throughout it all, and mourned with my as the relationship ended. I just want her to know if she ever sees this, that I’ll never truly stop loving her. The trips to LA with the hike to the Hollywood sign in freaking vans, the pit seat concert ticket in Chicago, NYC & the time we got pulled into a psychics house, laying under the stars for our first kiss, orange is the new black binges, boat rides with her dope playlists, exploring Toronto, the puppy we got, and bike riding in the city. I also remember the hard things. The friend we lost, the wreck we survived. I remember it all. She deserves more than I could’ve ever given her, and I hope she never forgets our love story. I can’t. Even writing these words brings tears to me. I hope she knows I’m so proud to know her, and I’ll never forget her. She was and will always be loved. Thank you, for letting me tell a story no one knows.